I held a gun once

We have spoken without speaking; I held a gun once. 

It was heavier than I wanted.
It was for fun, like reality tv. real but not-real
I close my eyes and shoot towards a tree stump.
I close my eyes when my rights are taken away

the literal and figurative assault of my body there is no longer a system that honest-to-god gets it.

We are bound and we are bound

What do I do, well I write. well then I fight.
I held a gun once

The morning after: deep loss. I go straight to yoga and cry the entire time, every heart opener my lungs get stuck in their own gasps. We hugged afterwards, we don't even really know each other but it was everything

and I felt a lightness. 
These emotions I feel I've never felt.

Yes, Hate does not cancel out Hate. For those who voted the other way, I must love and understand I must show compassion. I must not fear but I am terrified.

We must unite but I am split in a million fragments

Things keep shifting in the news it was DAPL it was Brexit it was Orlando it was Bowie it was Ebola, or pokemon. The ebb and the flow of everything in our hands, eyes, feeds

I held a gun once
and I wonder why anyone could want such violent power.

In a blink of an eye Tuesday turned from hope to a devastation
the bullet slices through wood, making its mark.


The only reason we know