Let Me See It [By Courtney Lynn]
Last night and this morning.
I am in my pajamas. I have been for hours, but now they are put to their proper use: I am in bed, beginning to
drift off into that dream state…
And then-
the door is unlocked.
He probably closed the latch but he didn't lock the door.
Just as this thought crosses my mind, my neighbor welcomes a guest into her home, using our porch. Our home feels like a house. It is a house - split into apartments. And now we have a new neighbor. And now she has a new guest.
And our door is unlocked.
I'm being paranoid. My New York City upbringing convinces me I'm never safe.
He locked the door, I bet. He knows how paranoid I can get.
I can think "he locked the door"
But I cannot bring myself to think "the door is locked" because it's not.
I would hate to make him feel bad...
I would hate for our new neighbor to feel uncomfortable.
If she were to hear me locking her out...
My upbringing convinces me to be polite at the expense of my safety
I would love to feel safe like he does.
He's not thinking about the door.
I force myself to drift.
To feel safe.
He locked the door.
I awake. The door is the first thing on my mind. I get out of bed, hyper aware of every sound outside
And fully unaware of my instilled routine - bathroom, brush teeth, get dressed, make breakfast, give the dog a treat, put on shoes, unlock the d..
Nope
Open the door.
The door's not locked.
And I'm safe.
And I'm right.